Hi Beat Breakfast,
My girlfriend of almost 4 years recently broke up with me. Two years ago this summer, I got drunk with a guy and in that moment was unfaithful to her. This really upset her and at the time she wanted to break up. I promised it would never happen again and even quit drinking, so we got back together. Recently told me that she has felt unsure of us since then and that she feels I forced her to get back with me. She then asked for a break to think about things and just one week later she broke up with me.
I was caught off guard and couldn’t believe that it was over. Just recently we had talked about getting a house together and spending our lives together. I felt sure that this was not the direction we were going in because when I had asked if she was sure she had told me “yes, we are endgame, I plan on spending the rest of my life with you”. We also still live together as well as with her two friends.
Do I move on or will this break up be the thing she needs to move past what happened and hope that she loves me after the fact? If I should move how do people heal from these situations especially living in the same house? Home is in Hanover so friends and family are mostly out of reach.
Lost without her
**NOTE:We received the initial message above two weeks ago and below is an update that was sent on Friday.**
A lot has happened in the past week and I actually have more to add to this. Last Thursday I decided that I was unable to get over the stress and shock of the break up alone and got and exam and a couple assignments pushed back and went home early for the weekend. My ex told me that this was a stupid idea and that I won’t learn how to get over her without doing it alone and that my family would influence me in a bad way. She also told me to get over it and move on so that it would be better for everyone else in the house.
Either way I went home to my parents for the weekend and went on an emotional rollercoaster from being upset to in denial and then depression. All weekend my ex would not talk to me so I decided to let her have her space. Sunday night I got together with some friends and made a new friend. I have been hanging out with that friend since and staying over at their place to avoid being at the house. The one night I was home I decided to let that person over to hang out. Nothing happened that night at the house. We just enjoyed each others company. Any way the next morning I get a text message from my ex saying “You were up early this morning, congratulations for thinking you got away with it”. She then continued to call me f*ed up and “No wonder I wasn’t depressed when I got back from the weekend”. So what really boggles me is that she couldn’t care less when I was unable to eat and went through a living hell and then all of a sudden cares when I found a way to cope? Where as she can’t even talk because the week prior she left that night and never came back. She had also been talking to her ex prior to this break up.
So the final part of this story is that I got home the other morning and noticed that anything left in the room of hers was moved to the basement where she is staying now. As we go outside to leaving because my car was behind hers she tell me “We all think you should move out”. This pisses me right off. All the bills are in my name, I do all the yard work and house clean up as well as fixing anything that needs to be fixed. She broke up with me and pushed me away but for what ever reason gets to throw me under the bus? I’m not sure what to do. I know its probably best to move out but how can I settle this the correct way? Both of our names are on the lease and I know it will be a struggle to get my last month deposit back and as well as taking anything I paid. But in her eyes I’m the bad person and she is definitely making me pay for something that happened 2 years ago. As If I haven’t bent over backwards enough!
Lost without her
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